Our doctor called us this morning and woke me up the first call said that we had an appointment with the neonatal surgeon on Tuesday. I said that was fine and thanked them for making me the appointment. About an hour later I got another call saying that our Doctor got off the phone with the surgeon and the surgeon said that she needed Avery to get to 33 weeks along before she had a good chance of operating and having Avery survive. Our doctor said she didn't think Avery would make it that long in utero without her heart stopping with all the fluid built up in her abdomen putting stress on all her organs. So they both agreed they needed to do something and that something would be putting a shunt through me into Avery's tummy and leaving the shunt in her until birth and that shunt will constantly drain any fluid in her abdomen into my amniotic fluid and that we needed to have that done tomorrow. I asked the risks and they said that we always have risks putting a needle into my amniotic sac (the risks being that it could break my water and put me into preterm labor or give her fetal distress.) They said that the risk in not doing it though is much higher than the risk in doing this, after a lot of thought and a long talk with my doctor I agreed to have this done tomorrow.
They said that it would be at the hospital and I'll need to fast for 8 hours. We will go into the ER and our doctor, the neonatal surgeon and another OB will all be in the room and I'll get an epidural (most likely) and some laughing gas to keep me calm and we'll go through and insert the shunt during an ultrasound and try to drain the fluid. I'll be kept overnight for monitoring to make sure that I don't go into preterm labor and to make sure that she is okay and stays calm and happy. I will not meet the surgeon Tuesday anymore, I'll just meet and consult with her tomorrow. Doing this does not ensure she'll make it to 33 weeks alive but it gives up the best chance so we can have our C Section and have an alive baby that can go immediately into surgery. That is when they'll take out the shunt as well so it will stay in her the remainder of my pregnancy.
I then got a third call from our doctor asking me to come in today and get the steroid shot to help her lungs develop quicker and it also helps with the blood vessels in her brain. I agreed and went in and got that. It wasn't too bad of a pain, my hip and butt area were a little sore for awhile but I'm okay. I'll get a second shot of this steroid tomorrow at the hospital before my procedure. I'm terrified something is going to go wrong. Our doctor showed me the shunts that she has sitting on her desk waiting for tomorrow when she will meet us at the hospital.
Please God just let Avery get through this, let her have no distress and let my amniotic sac accept it no problem. Let these shots help her lungs and let her little body hold on for the next 7 weeks and keep developing so she can be born alive at 33 weeks with no fluid on her stomach and strong enough to withstand surgery. I am terrified for my child's life. She's been through far too much and she isn't even born yet. I'm supposed to be able to be able to protect her from all pain and evil while she's in utero and tomorrow she will feel some pain with a needle being inserted in her tiny stomach. I'm so scared, I don't know what to do. I am doing everything in my power to keep this baby alive and it still doesn't feel like I'm doing enough.
I go into the hospital at 1:30 tomorrow and have the procedure at 3:30 and then will be there overnight. It shouldn't take more than 45 minutes or an hour to complete this procedure and we should see the fluid start to drain immediately after inserting it. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. She needs to get to 33 weeks, she needs to fight this, she needs to live.
Oh my sweet girl:
ReplyDeleteThis is SO unfair. You are praying that your tiny baby lives another few weeks so that you can get her to surgery so that she can POSSIBLY live more than a few hours. This is not genetic, nor is it any kind of irresponsibility on your part. You have taken perfect care of yourself and this fetus the entire time, even denying yourself the sushi that you love (even though I tried to bribe you with it a few times when the baby was doing fine -- or so we thought, anyway). You are so good and so honest.
I could not be more proud of you than I have been these past five weeks that feel SO much longer than that. I pray for Avery Faith all the time, throughout the days and nights that stretch between now and that magical time they determine she is strong enough to have a CHANCE to survive very serious, risky surgeries, possible kidney dialysis, possible undeveloped lungs, one kidney already blown, no openings in her tiny body to dispose of waste. There is so much going on with her, yet she kicks and hiccups, swims and sleeps inside your belly each day. She is a presence in our lives, and that makes her a present in our lives. I would give BOTH of my kidneys and sit in dialysis each week three or for times for the rest of my life if it would give this innocent, tiny child a chance at a normal life, the chance to ride horses, to go to Disneyland and enjoy the rides, thte opportunity to go to Bermuda and swim with dolphins, and a thousoand other wonderful things that you did as a child and loved.
I have LOVED being your mama and watching you grow (SO FAST) and know I could not have survived this kind of trauma when I was carrying you.
My heart is just so broken, and though this procuedure went perfectly today, and you are now in the hospital sleeping, with your baby draining out that fluid and sleeping inside you, I'm just so tired and so scared. I am weeping as I write this because it just SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS. It is wrong on every level. I want you to know that I would gladly give my life to allow Avery Faith to live hers. I'll talk to God about that tonight. Maybe he'll cut a deal with me along those lines.
I love you more than I can ever explain to you. Multiply how much you love this unborn child by about a million (for all the days and nights I got to feed you and hold you and sing to you and snuggle you in next to me when you wanted, or when I was just too tired to carry you back to your crib at 4 AM after nursing you) and by 18.5 for each year and month you have been in my world, and my home, and my heart. That is how much I Love you: round the world and the universe, and back again to this tiny space between my thunb and finger.
Please keep growing and developing lungs, Avery Faith. Come when you are strong enough and then LIVE so we can love you big-time.
Only your
Mom (her Maimie)